Hark, the kitchen renovation is upon us. In hours of contemplation we sat, during which options were presented to us. Counters choices begat counter finishes, counter finishes begat hardware selections, and hardware selections begat backsplash options. We’ve decided. We have made our offerings to the kitchen designer.

As I prepare to endure my kitchen being laid to waste, mustering my strength to keep my eye looking forward to my just end reward, I feel a bit homelitic. I can find no evidence that anyone before me has written down the trials and tribulations of the path of the kitchen renovant. I feel this is a lapse in the canon I must rectify as part of my own journey.

Herein beginith the book of renovations:

Renovations 14:28 – For which of you, desiring to fix a kitchen, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether we have the revenue to pay for it?

Renovations 24:27 – Prepare your plumbing and electrical, get all up to code before installation of the cabinets, and after that set the counters.

Renovations 14:1-12 – The renovating woman vacates her kitchen, and with her own hands washes dishes.

Renovations 24:3 – By willpower a kitchen is built, and by contractors it is finished.