House Hunters Inconsolable

Oh my. House hunting looks so much simpler on TV.

Here is a run-down of the ‘houses’ we’ve seen:

  1. Big corner house, decor dominated by the keg (?) of Jägermeister, assorted Jägermeister paraphernalia and hentai inspired artwork.
  2. House on a quiet cul de sac, with guest room in the basement down the long narrow hallway past the utility room, conveniently only three steps to the toilet behind a curtain right next to the furnace.
  3. Home in a quiet neighbourhood; comes with security system, which consists of cameras mounted inside each window to monitor activity outside the house, probably in no way connected to the strange wiring throughout the house and the multiple money counting machines in the upstairs office.
  4. Quaint home near river valley trails, filled with love and the wafting odor of jasmine just masking the smell of damp concrete and raw sewage.
  5. Traditional family home with warm interior. Could be even warmer if any of us make a spark accidentally igniting the hardwood floors, wood paneled walls, wood ceiling beams, wooden counters, wooden shelves, wooden sauna…
  6. Spacious home, the sense of space is amplified by the insipid grey linoleum throughout the entire house; stairs, foyer, living room, library, family room, den, kitchen, bathrooms, bedrooms…
  7. Historic heritage home with antique fixtures, including the original chicken coops in the unfinished basement (?)
  8. New home with master bedroom on main floor. Large glass enclosed fire place in wall, conveniently open on both sides and placed between the living room and master bedroom – exceptional home for entertaining guests!

I’ve had to severely downgrade my expectations and opinion of humanity in general. Seriously. These aren’t even POOR people’s homes. These people have enough money to buy some taste, or hire someone to have some on their behalf.

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One thought on “House Hunters Inconsolable

  1. Oh my dear, I think you totally should have gone for the one with the chicken coops in the basement and raised some trendy little bantams for organic eggs…..where *else* are you going to keep your chickens in this climate, really?

    I’ve heard that one of my ancestors-by-marriage raised a pig for slaughter every year in the basement of his suburban home about 80 years ago….at least you didn’t find that house…

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